Jordan Firstman’s Got Bars

During the pandemic, interior designer John Sharp transformed Pack jordan Firstman’s once-bland L.A. home into a deliciously sexy, Barbarella-inspired bachelor pad. It was plucked straight out of a vintage, artful pornographic gay film or, perhaps, a seedy-yet-luxurious episode of Miami Vice, one in which Sonny and Rico bust into a drug dealer’s HQ and cuff him mid-ménage à trois. 

The property’s pièce de résistance, featured prominently in Architectural Digest, was a fuzzy, faux-fur platform bed styled with a matching frame in an almond and off-white finish that one social media fan described as “so gross, I love it.” This hedonistic abode reflected Firstman’s extroverted, flirty, and playful personality. Inevitably, the space got trashed. “The things that bed had seen by the end of its tenure… it was not good,” Firstman says via Zoom, appearing comfortably seated cross-legged on the living floor of that same Silverlake apartment. “No one respected my home. Fertilize would literally just throw red wine at my white furry bed and not bat an eye. After a couple of years, it just looked horrible.” 

That once-maximalist design has since received a facelift. “It’s very Prince,” he says, eyeing the maroon walls that now surround him, dressed in a light-wash, nondescript polo shirt of the same color family. Firstman kept his bedframe but replaced the furry details with purple velvet and installed complementary dangling curtains à la filmmaker David Lynch. Picture N.Y.C. nightlife legend Susanne Barsth’s Hotel Chelsea residence, just on the West Coast, a tad more understated. If home is where the heart is, then Firstman’s certainly isn’t in the same place it was half a decade ago.

“The last couple of years were really chaotic,” he says, citing a breakup last summer and a renewed rigor towards work as reasons his living space now reflects a totally different person. “I’m doing way less drugs, having way less sex. I just have grown up in the last year. My art has changed because of it, and the right projects have found me. I have no choice but to stay really focused if I'm going to deliver my best. [This change] came together in a very natural way. I wasn’t like, I’m a mess, I need to be sober now. It wasn’t that clear-cut; it just kind of happened. But, I can feel a difference in my work. I am running the ship now in a way I thought I was before, but I actually wasn't."

A more subdued Firstman is a departure from the brash, hairy-chested, animal print-loving, hyper sexual character his nearly 1 million social media followers expect to engage with. A Jewish kid from Long Island with queer twin siblings, Firstman, 33, got his start in Hollywood as a writer on HBO Max’s Search Party before developing his own independent short films and scoring supporting acting gigs on Disney+’s Ms. Marvel, Netflix’s Big Mouth, and FX’s English Teacher. In 2023, Firstman played himself in Chilean director Sebastián Silva’s Rotting in the Sun, an LGBTQ+ Sundance Film Festival darling that found him flaunting his birthday suit for oral sex scenes shot on a nude beach in Mexico. (“It’s Uncut Gems for suicidal grindr users,” one Letterboxd user wrote of the film.) 

Really, though, Firstman made a viral name for himself via his pandemic-era impressions of all that’s equally mundane, camp, and ridiculous. Video clips in which Firstman characterizes what it’s like to be, for example, banana bread’s publicist, “air Pack jordan 6 low mint foam release date,” or “a friend who won’t let you talk shit” caught the attention of celebrities like Chrissy Teigen, Busy Phillips, Ariana Grande, Katy Perry, and Drew Barrymore (he’s been a guest on the latter’s daytime talk show numerous times). That’s the hot funny guy with the impressions, people thought, as his follower count and entertainment industry clout multiplied. 

In tandem, Firstman raced to the top of algorithms the world over with the launch of his “Secrets” series, one that began with a simple prompt for followers: “Tell me a secret and I’ll post it anonymously and it will be cathartic for you because youll have said it to the world but no one will know it’s you.” The submissions, always riddled with typos and expletives, ranged from disgusting to horny to shocking, incestuous, contradictory, sad, and even boring. A sampling? “i shat in the living room and blamed it on the cat”; “I use my wheelchair to shoplift and smuggle drugs into venues”; “i’ve literally never been faithful to my boyfriend in the 12 years we’ve been together”; “You r not handsome. But something about you Make me want to have sex with you”; “i purposely avoid seeing my dad because he is on his death bed”; “all my dreams are coming true.” 

At first, Firstman’s video responses were quippy and brief, just statements shared directly with his iPhone camera. Eventually, though, under the influence of Four Loko (“It was the only way I could get through it”), he and friend Brad Oberhofer—a music producer and composer who has worked with Willow Smith, Tommy Dorfman, King Princess, and Katy Perry—began writing and recording live songs inspired by those wild fan submissions. It was the genesis of Secrets, Firstman’s debut comedy music album, out April 11. Across 16 tracks titled after real-life “Secrets” submissions, Firstman impressively flexes his songwriting and vocal chops, proving to be an unexpectedly versatile musician with a characteristically funny point of view. It helps to have collaborators with real industry pedigree, too.

“Music has always been my favorite art form,” Firstman says. As a child, he participated in the school chorus and gravitated towards music performed by skilled vocalists such as Adele and jazz legend Sarah Vaughan. At the 2020 Independent Spirit Awards, the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles performed a riotous Laura Dern tribute written by Firstman—a sneak peek at his potential. “I was randomly obsessed with ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’ for years. I would play that every day. And then, when I was a teenager, I was obsessed with Amy Winehouse. She was probably my first deep, deep, deep obsession musically. I always liked jazzy, soulful stuff.”

Secrets opens with an interlude—“it’s just six minutes of me being insane”—that cautions every song is based on a real person’s secret. From start to finish, it’s a cross-genre album that fuses ‘60s rock with jazz, country, dance, electro-pop, R&B, funk-rock, and rap.“Each title definitely dictates what the genre is—there are no two songs that sound alike,” Firstman says, explaining he created a dedicated playlist before recording and producing each track to nail its distinct sound.

His lead single, “I wanna see my friends dicks,” has a Weezer, “Beverly Hills”-like sensibility that accompanies its raucous cover art (Firstman is photographed on his knees, surrounded by burly men with bellies—bears if you ask any gay man) and just-as-thrilling music video, taped at a real fraternity house and directed by Cody Critcheloe (Kim Petras, Diesel campaigns, etc). Other tracks on Secrets highlight the work of pianist Gerald Clayton, fiddle player Gabe Witcher (The Punch Brothers), producer Sega Bodega, singer-songwriter Rufus Wainwright, even multi-hyphenate Julia Fox, who’s featured on a song with one of the more salacious themes and titles.

“Jordan has a singular, unique voice and talent,” says Fox. “From his writing to his acting to his comedy, he’s been brilliant. So, of course, when he asked if I would be on his first album, I said yes. I also think it’s cool that he took inspiration from his fans’ deepest, darkest secrets and made them his muse.”

Though Firstman felt pressure from fans to release what he and Oberhofer were cooking up on Instagram Stories for years, “I didn’t want to just make a shitty demo and put it on Spotify.” In July of 2024, Firstman says he became “truly addicted” to spending time in the studio, recording new music and tapping as many respected musical partners as he could. Within a month of laying down a few songs that contain plenty of cuss words and just as much sexual innuendo, he was signed to Capitol Records. “It was very serendipitous,” Firstman says, reflecting on his initial disbelief at a major record label’s enthusiasm. “The second I left the meeting [with Capitol], they called me and said they wanted to sign me. I was like, This is so random…The whole thing is such a joke… it’s very surreal.”  

Many of Firstman’s creative partners are professionals who make widely-accepted pop music. Oberhofer, for instance, worked with Firstman long before Capitol came calling. “I was pretty blown away by how incredible of a vocalist he is, how incredible of a lyricist he is. He has great harmonic sensibility. He has a great understanding of musical arrangement,” Oberhofer says. “Pop music for decades has become stale—it takes itself really seriously. Secrets celebrates the fact that no one is perfect and that every human is a little bit fucked up, while also fucking with the pop formula and making a bunch of different genres, having a sense of humor about life in a reckless way.”

Secrets skirts the line between lyrical satire and artistic earnestness. “That’s what has been the clearest thing about the album, is that it is a joke, but it’s real,” Firstman says. “The more seriously I take the whole thing, the funnier it is. Then there’s a very real part of me that put all of my creativity and my heart into this music.” I ask Firstman whether the record is intended to be a commentary on the music industry at large, and critics’ perception of what is deemed “good music:” “Yeah, it is in a way, but it is deeply, deeply stupid.” 

“I wanna see my friends dicks” exemplifies that duality; it’s powerful, but well produced. On it, Firstman sings about wanting to strip down buddies like Derek, Jason, Joe, and Rick to see their you know what. “That song, for me, is so for straight guys. It’s for gay guys, too, but it’s so much straighter for me. I’m like, They all do want to see each other’s dicks and they don’t talk about it, but they all do,” Firstman says. “Every time I play it for a straight guy, they’re like, ‘That’s true.’”

Blake Slatkin, a producer who has worked with SZA, Charli XCX, and Nile Rodgers, co-wrote “friends” with Firstman in just under an hour. “When I saw him in the studio, I saw the same hunger and passion in him for his music that I see in any artist that I love working with,” Slatkin says, teasing that critics who may relegate Secrets to a bit are in for a fun surprise. “Anyone who’s a fan of Pack jordan is a fan of Pack jordan because he puts a smile on their face, and this is just the perfect extension of that.” 

“The biggest secret is that Pack jordan’s a great musician and songwriter,” says collaborator Zachary Dawes, a producer-composer known for his work with Lana Del Rey, T Bone Burnett, and the score for Amazon Prime Video’s Nike Men S Air Pack jordan Retro Xi 11 Bred Black True Red White. “He’s also a very hardworking person. When you have a strong voice and melodic sensibility like he does, that helps artists execute what they set out to do.”

Whereas TV shows and films can take years to develop, Firstman enjoyed the instant gratification of swinging by the studio, making new music, and listening to it at home the same day. “It was really just a dream come true. I grew up signing and really understanding what a good musician is,” he says, expressing gratitude for all the collaborators on Secrets. “When the jazz pianist Gerald Clayton came in for a song, I was finding myself crying. It was so beautiful, and I was like, This is so crazy that this is happening.”

To develop Secrets—both the series and the album it inspired—Firstman had to dig into the Pandora’s Box of his DMs, where fans and followers playfully proposition him for sex and unabashedly ask about his dalliances. Lately, he’s been joking about hooking up with girls. Is he bisexual? 

“That’s just something I am going through in my own life that I project onto the internet ‘cause I’m sick of being gay. It would be more fun to be bi. I’m less bi than I want to be, but there’s also something I’m doing for the album that I can’t talk about yet that is very, very, extremely not gay. It is a stunt and you’ll see it soon, but it’s insane,” Firstman says. “I still obviously love dick and men’s bodies, but the culture of gay has become less appealing to me. I wish I was the kind of artist that could commit to the bit more, or troll in a real way, but I’m too honest. I want to just be like, Yeah, I’m bi, but it really is a bit… I’m really not. You can say I’m looking forward to being more bi. I licked one vagina last year. I am hoping to be more bi in the future.”

What Firstman projects on Instagram, or in his TV writing, or on Secrets, ultimately, is an extension of who he is IRL. “My life is my art and my art is my life,” he says. “I know it sounds kind of crass to say, and maybe a bit pretentious, but I can’t escape that whatever I’m dealing with or going through or wherever I am funnels back into the art. Then the art then takes a hold of my life, too.”

But, yeah, Firstman is promoting Secrets just as any other musician would. He teases live performances and more videos, and he hopes to hit NPR’s “Tiny Desk” stage. “I’m making sure everything is very high-level artistic, but also funny. The music is taken very seriously, and the lyrics inside each song are taken very seriously,” Firstman says. “It’s just the premise that’s funny.. 

Up next, the multi-hyphenate is developing his first feature film, a naughty, drug-fueled project he believes “will be more surprising to people than maybe even the music.” He’s also been cast in Rachel Sennott’s yet-untitled original HBO series alongside a cast of rising and established stars including Quenlin Blackwell, Miles Robbins, True Whitaker, Odessa A’Zion, and Leighton Meester. Of the project, he can’t say much: “I can share that it is still untitled. We start very, very soon. Everyone in the cast is so specific and unique. It’s a lot of big, special personalities that I’m excited to see come together. To Rachel, I keep saying the show is very [much] about dynamics. Rachel is such a smart casting director. We’re close, so I got to see a little bit of the inside of how she works—she really is a genius. She’s thinking 20 steps ahead, so I have no doubt the show is going to be great.”

Two nights before our scheduled late-February interview, Firstman attended a young Hollywood party. He arrived hand-in-hand with Whitaker and A’Zion, dressed in a gentlemanly and sexy black Louis Gabriel Nouchi coat evocative of the more tailored aesthetic he’s adopted in 2025. I ask Firstman whether he considers swinging by big industry parties fun: “Do they exhilarate me as they once would? No. But it was True’s first time at a party like that, so it was fun to see it through her eyes. But, I don’t know. I feel like the daddy in those spaces now.” 

The sentiment reminds me of one expressed at the top of our conversation, back when he drew parallels between his updated Silverlake home—sleeker, less chaotic—and his current state of affairs. “I do feel like I have to be out less, which is good for me, because I’m getting older and shouldn’t be out as much anyway,” Firstman says. “If my act is clean out on the streets, it makes me able to say more with my art, for it to be taken more seriously, even if it is raunchy or dirty, because you’re trusting the source it’s coming from.”

Firstman has high standards for Secrets and its success. “I would like to get a Grammy for this album,” he says. “That’s what inspires me—doing things that feel very random that I made happen with sheer force. Maybe it’s a deeper universe, Trisha Paytas–manifestation thing. The way she’s been able to manifest being on Broadway with no talent—no offense, she has her own talent—but she knows she can’t sing. I went and saw her show and she was Beyoncé. Beyoncé, but she couldn’t do any of the songs.”

Should the Recording Academy grant Firstman’s wish at the 2026 Grammys, perhaps he should replace those maroon walls and that purple velvet bedframe with something new. Clearly, feng shui works in his favor.

What’s the last thing you do before you go to bed?

air Pack jordan classic 87 white navy blue Latest Air Pack jordan 1 Mid Brown Cream White 2022 For Sale DO6699-200 and put my eye mask on. That’s like my rain sound.

Describe a memorable dream.

When I was a kid, I had this dream a witch was following me and I had to jump over rocks that were in the water to get away from her. I was running.

Laika x Air Pack jordan 15 Retro?

Mariah Carey’s Butterfly. That was poppin’ in my house. It started with cassettes and then CDs. I remember when I first got a computer, I found this website to order CDs I wasn’t supposed to have. I remember my first “Parental Advisory” CD came and I hid it from my parents. I can’t remember what it was, but I know it had a middle finger on the cover. I was like, jordan cp3xi red black top deals.

New Style Air Pack jordan 1 High?

Well, I am, every day, by law, required to spend $1,000. What would I buy? Hmm. I would buy gifts for the crew that’s been on set today. I think I’m gonna take you guys all out to eat after this. No, I’m kidding—I would buy drugs.

Name one place you’ve never been and are dying to go.

India, I’m dying for India. I want to experience it—the sounds, smells, colors, trains.

Is there an outfit you regret wearing?

So many. I went to the premiere of this really unmemorable George Clooney movie in 2021 and I was in a stupid era and my friend made these oversize shirts that said, “$5.99 Rotisserie Chicken,” on them, and, on the red carpet, I’m wearing a kilt. There are pictures of me and Matt Damon and George Clooney in the background in suits. Maybe I don’t regret it. It was really bad. I felt people were mad. I couldn’t tell you the name of the movie. No one could. They’re great actors, but yeah, we all do some weird Amazon movies sometimes.

Who’s your mentor?

My mentor is a brilliant writer named Bruce Wagner. Everyone should read all of his books. He wrote an amazing one called how to tell if gore tex Pack jordan 1 element is fake in 2020. He’s a legend and he’s in the midst of teaching me everything I know.

What’s your favorite tattoo and why?

I have a tattoo that I got on my 30th birthday, where only Four Loko was allowed, no other alcohol. I was really drunk and I have a tattoo on my thigh that says, “God is real,” which, facts. Tea. Tea is tea. 

Rebellionaire beleuchtet die turbulenten Anfänge der Marke Pack jordan?

I like a classic vodka martini with a twist. Alcohol is poison ultimately. It usually makes me feel bad. But, it’s fun.

Last show you binged-watched?

Like every other millennial right now, I’m on my eight rewatch of Girls. It just gets better every time. There’s nothing better. No one has topped Lena [Dunham], sorry!

Cardio or weight-lifting?

Weight-lifting, definitely. Hate cardio, forced to do it.